Look Where You Want to Go

Liam is my mountain biking buddy. At 14, my son is fearless, with more guts than I ever had. As a two year old, he would scale our refrigerator to see what was on top of it. He’s always loved to climb—trees, rocks, walls, doorframes, you name it. He has grippy toes and a little mischief in him—two great qualities in a daredevil. He also likes to go fast. My brother saw him riding once and nicknamed him ‘LiamX,’ because, you know, it rhymes with ‘BMX.’

Seattle has some great places to ride a bike. Whether you’re talking road riding, nice lakeside paths, cross-country trails, serious mountain biking, or bombing a skatepark, you are just minutes away from an awesome time no matter where you live in the Puget Sound. A couple years ago, Liam and I took our first trip to Issaquah’s Duthie Hill—a world class mountain biking skills park less than a half hour from our home.

At the time, I think Liam was 11 years old, maybe just barely 12. He had not yet gotten his mountain bike—this little trooper rode a single speed BMX bike while I rode a hard-tail geared Trek. We started to explore the trails around Duthie, gathering courage and riding progressively tougher routes. Liam is always pushing to ride the trails with the tougher ratings, going from white to green to blue to black; from circles to squares to diamonds—the more the better.

We were having a great time! We met a cool guy and his teenage daughter, both of whom rode the park regularly and knew it well. They took us on a tour, showing us the ropes, giving us tips on trails, drops and other obstacles around the park—pushing us to push ourselves, expanding our comfort zones and building our confidence. Our favorite trail was Ryan’s Eternal Flow—I felt like I was in Episode V of Star Wars—The Empire Strikes Back, flying through the forest moon of Endor on a speeder bike. Like the world’s biggest roller coaster, built among hemlocks, pines and cedars. Fast, flowy, perfect.

It was a bit scary at first, with really fast descents that you had to power down without braking in order to have your momentum carry you up the ascents. A perfect ride—a thrill a second, a perfect balance of work, joy, sweat and speed. Liam exclaimed, halfway through our first spin on this trail, “Dad, we can do this again right!?!” It was an incredible moment. Feeling emboldened by our mastery of this trail and our growing confidence, we took on one of the Black Diamond runs.

This ride was scarier—we kept a couple fingers on the brakes, getting to know the lines a bit. This trail was definitely built for bikes more sturdily built than ours, and certainly riders with a few more miles under their belts than us. We powered through, tentatively exploring the route. Building speed, getting a little crazy, then braking, as you never knew what was around the next bend. We eventually got more confident and were flying, taking turns leading. As I was leading about three fourths the way through this downhill trail, I heard a crash behind me.

“You okay bud!?” I shouted. Liam was back around the bend I had just passed. A feeble “no” was his only reply. I pulled my bike off the trail and ran back around the bend. He was on the ground near the base of a huge cedar, tangled up in his bike, with sword ferns all but covering him. He was pretty shaken. He had a few cuts and bruises, and a good shiner on his right cheekbone, but thankfully nothing broken. He wasn’t sure what had happened or why he wiped out—it just happened. We walked our bikes down the last hundred yards or so of the trail and headed home.

Liam and I had traded off wearing our GoPro camera throughout the day, and he happened to have it on when he crashed. When we watched the footage afterwards, it was fun to hear the whoops and hollers, and to see the drops and the flowy ups and downs of the lush forest trails. As we watched the recording of his crash for the first time, it was intriguing. He was coming down a stretch at a pretty good speed—a short but fast descent. To the right of the trail was the aforementioned cedar, with a bunch of ferns at its base. The camera, mounted on Liam’s helmet, showed his point of view as he headed straight for the trunk of the big tree, bounced off of it, and landed on his back, ferns covering his (and the camera’s) view.

Re-watching the crash unfold a few times, we discovered the cause of the wreck. There was no rock, bump, root or rut. He had crashed because he was looking at the tree, not past or around it.

I am no expert mountain biker, but there are a few basic rules I follow when riding a trail. The number one rule is look where you want to go. When you see an obstacle (like a root, rut, rock, bump or tree), focus on the line or route past, through, or over the obstacle, never on the obstacle itself. Your body and bike naturally go where you’re looking, and focusing or fixating on an obstacle is a sure way to run into it. If the obstacle is a rock or bump, you may get lucky and find your way through it. If it’s something like a deep rut or a tree, you’re probably gonna end up learning some kind of life lesson.

I’ve learned this lesson on my own a few times—at least twice on a skateboard, a few times on a bike, and a handful of times in more serious aspects of life. Work, family, personal and emotional challenges and obstacles have been thrown everyone’s way. I’m getting better at focusing on the way through or past an obstacle or challenge. Sometimes I get help from a mantra like ‘the way out is through’ or ‘he who won’t be beat, can’t be beat.’ Often it’s through meditation or prayer—being centered and focused on the work at hand, and not self-pity or worrying about why the work is there.

Often success comes through leveraging a network of friends, family, co-workers and associates—a fancy way of saying reaching out or leaning on someone for support. Sometimes, you don’t see a way through. In situations like these, with no solution in sight, it helps me to ask, “If there was a solution, what might it be?”

We all know that guy who sees the obstacle, who fixates on the problem, who reverts back to worrying about circumstance instead of driving for a solution. Sometimes, we may even be that guy. The only problem is, sooner or later that guy always ends up on his back in the bushes, and not pushing through, over, or around that obstacle. And if he doesn’t change how he looks at obstacles, he’s bound to fall into a cycle of stalling, slipping back, and never transcending, growing, mastering the trail—enjoying all that his life’s path has to offer. You’ve got to look past that obstacle that’s right in front of you, and hammer away on those pedals until you’ve gotten where you want to be, or at least past that latest obstacle, challenge, or hurdle.

A simple formula for looking where you want to go, and making a lasting change:

Know where you want to go. Articulate something you want to do, not something you want to quit doing or avoid. For example, “I want to start eating more healthy meals,” not “stop eating sweets.” In my experience, a positive change, something you want to do, just seems to “stick” better than something you’re trying not to do or to avoid.

Winners keep score. You need a way to track how you’re doing. A scorecard, chart, journal, etc. that shows you how you’re doing relative to your goals or challenges.

Adjust your approach when your evaluations (from your journal or tracker) show you are not making the changes in behavior you want.

Give a deadline (to yourself or those you lead). Commit to getting to x by y.

Do something right now to get started or to attack your challenge based on where you want to go. Is there any little thing you can do, immediately, to make progress? Making a phone call? Jotting down a note? Putting down that doughnut? Going for a run? Having a conversation you've been putting off? Do it now!

It’s a pretty basic approach, but the work is often anything but easy. However, it’s virtually foolproof, if you have the tenacity to stick with it, keep your eye on where you want to go, and get up and work your way past, over, and through the obstacles that knock us all down from time to time. Keep hammering!