Catching Up with Liam

Today, after an easy 3 mile run

What a difference a year can make! It was exactly a year ago this week that we learned our then-
fourteen-year-old son Liam had an unknown condition causing proptosis of his left eye. Proptosis occurs when the eye is pressed outward for one of several reasons. In Liam’s case, MRIs showed there was clearly some kind of mass pushing outward on his eye and inward on his brain. At the time, neurosurgeons and ophthalmologists thought it was an aneurysmal bone cyst, a sort of boney growth that is filled with blood and other fluid.

To make a long story short, Liam underwent neurosurgery—a craniotomy expected to take three to six hours that actually took about ten. You can read all about this experience in several blog posts starting here. Our wonderful neurosurgeon took care of the issue, using healthy bone from inside his cranium to repair the compromised part of his orbit, and using a little fat from his belly to ensure his eye was in the correct spot. Finally, she used healthy bone, collagen, fibrin glue and titanium microplates to ensure his skull would heal and be strong.

Liam’s recovery was long and challenging. He barely moved for the week he was in the hospital after his surgery. He couldn’t stand sounds of any kind—and light gave him headaches too. He was wonderfully patient and polite with the nurses and other caregivers working with him, even though the varying levels of pressure in his head and spine made every sensory stimulation some form of torture. He never complained; he just quietly and bravely endured the longest week one could imagine.

Recovering, less than a year ago

A few days after the surgery, occupational therapists began working with him, helping him work on his memory, helping him sit up, helping him get his balance back, and assisting him as he gingerly walked around the halls, towing IV bags as we held his arms to keep him steady.

At home, he mostly stayed on the couch for another week or two, occasionally getting up to walk, though it was a few weeks after the surgery before he was able to walk on his own or go up and down stairs. It was hard to imagine that he would ever be his old, talented self.

A month or so after the surgery, Liam was able to get back into his homeschool work and finish 8^th grade. He began the summer before high school still meeting with the occupational therapists every week or two as they monitored his slow progress. Liam was able to start running again, but he’ll never be able to play any contact sports, or even his favorite sports in which there might be incidental contact, like basketball and skateboarding.

Liam was also really struggling to follow a lot of basic verbal directions. He had trouble hearing a command, processing it, remembering it, then following it. As last summer came to a close, the therapists told us that Liam should either have someone accompany him at school, taking notes and helping him stay focused on teachers’ directions, or at the very least get the teachers to write out special lesson plans for him.

With Mom and Grandma Louise

Throughout this entire ordeal, we felt like we had been incredibly blessed by God. We had just moved to the area less than three weeks before his diagnosis, and we received amazing care from wonderful doctors and nurses—we can’t imagine being treated any better. My new job was much more conducive to all his tests and procedures and his long recovery—there’s no way I would have been able to be home and at his appointments as much as I was had we never moved.

We had people from all over the US and Canada praying and fasting for Liam and our family—many of those prayers from people we have never met. We felt the strength of prayers offered in many Mormon temples around North America too. Our home teachers from Church were just amazing, and not coincidentally they were a surgeon and an optometrist, so they had a real interest in and understanding of our situation.

When we moved, we’d decided to let the kids finish the year doing homeschool, which ultimately really helped us get through all of the appointments and recovery okay, without the kids needing to miss all that school. We had no idea about Liam’s condition when the kids started their homeschool program. All that spring and summer, we had seen miracle after miracle—some huge, some small, and all of them just wonderful reminders that we are loved by so many, and most importantly a Heavenly Father who knows what we all go through.

As the start of the school year approached, Liam, Darcie and I felt like we should just let him start with no accommodations, and we’d monitor his grades and use the therapists’ solutions if he really ran into some tough problems. He had always been a bit above average at school, so we were hopeful he would maintain that level and enrolled him in his classes. Six months after undergoing brain surgery, Liam was a high school freshman.

15th birthday

Liam worked really hard at school, and did homework every night. He probably checked his grades online once a day, maybe even more often. He was determined to do well enough to get into a good college, and he put in the work. I’d often see him using the internet to try to figure out math problems and techniques, or studying literary works and commentaries. While I was hopeful he’d do okay, I have to admit I worried that he’d do well enough on his homework, but would struggle with exams.

But Liam pressed forward, taking a circuit training class for PE since he can’t really do a lot of team sports, and also a film production class and the usual reading, writing, arithmetic. He started well, and was getting mostly A’s as he began his first quarter of high school. Week after week, he kept at it, and we were so proud when he finished his first quarter with all A’s and one A-minus!

Now, as he works through his third quarter, he’s still running a 3.95 GPA—just one A minus for the year, and easily the best he has ever done in school by far. He’s also lost 25 pounds, and is in the best shape of his life—he’s so fit and strong! He has also really advanced on the guitar and just plays incredibly well. In every way he is stronger, healthier, and smarter than he has ever been before.

With Ethan and me before a concert

This week—the anniversary of Liam’s diagnosis and the worst challenge of my life—a particular Biblical miracle has stood out to me and taken on new meaning. When Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt, the Lord parted the Red Sea as they crossed on dry ground. I’ve known that story since I was a little kid, but this week, as I’ve pondered the last year, I am really noticing the significance of that little detail—the dry ground.

They could have walked across damp sand, or jogged past a few puddles here and there, or even run through ankle deep water as they fled the Egyptians. But the Lord ensured the ground was dry! I think God did this so the Israelites would know, without a doubt, that this was His work… It was a miracle, and not an amazing, coincidental feat of nature. I believe He wanted to show them His great power, preparing them for the hardships (as well as other miracles) that lay ahead.

Most importantly, I believe God wanted to show His children that He was absolutely involved with their daily lives, that He absolutely loved them, and that he would absolutely deliver them if they were faithful and simply did their best to walk the path He would provide for them.

A few months after surgery

Thinking of Liam, I can see the path of dry ground the Lord prepared for us as the walls of water stood on every side of our family this year. At every step, we would have been content and grateful for the blessings we’d received so far… The blessing of having great care, the blessing of home schooling at a critical time, the blessing of a supportive employer…

The blessings of gifted surgeons and caring nurses, the blessings of prayer and visits from family and friends and strangers. The blessing of Liam’s successful surgery, of his eye and optic nerve being saved, the blessing of his avoiding meningitis or brain injury. The blessing of his recovery, and ability to walk and run and think. The blessings of increased capacity to work hard at school, to exercise and be fit, to magnify his talents…

The blessing of being able to attend school, and that of attending school without a chaperone or any accommodations at all. Finally, the blessings of achieving his best grades ever, and of being a strong, worthy, obedient young man.

Hiking with his sisters

At any point, this chain of blessings could have ended, and we’d have been grateful for the Lord delivering us that far, with so much love and help. But God chose to deliver us all the way, on figurative dry ground, proving to us without doubt that He lives, that He loves us, and that He will bless us with strength and faith and inspiration, through angels that are spirits and angels that are our friends and family.

I know the Lord does not always just remove obstacles for us, the way He did when parting the Red Sea. I also know that He does not heal every faithful, believing person who has a setback like the one Liam and our family faced. But I do know He chose to show our family His power and love in a way that we could never have expected. He surpassed every hope I had for Liam’s recovery, not only healing Liam and restoring his health, but also blessing him with the capacity, desire and capability of doing things he has never done before, academically and physically.

I really do believe Liam’s experiences are as significant and amazing as the Lord’s miracles in Biblical times, and we’ll be eternally grateful for His intervention in our family’s lives.

Looking forward to more adventures!

Smile! It's Christmastime!

It’s that time of year again. It may have happened to you just this morning. It seems like only a week ago it was Halloween, Veteran’s Day, or Thanksgiving Day. And today you woke up and looked at your calendar, or saw the date in a corner of your computer or your phone and realized… It’s almost Christmas!

I have worked in retail for almost three decades (yes, I started working as a toddler). What I described above happens to me every year—sometimes it’s in early December, sometimes it’s… later December. Many years I have finished my Christmas shopping around 5 pm on Christmas Eve. A couple years, I’ve started it at about that time. So whatever manic mood, blissful ignorance, sheer panic or even terror you feel, I have felt it. And today, I offer you a little help.

I do not know how to turn back the clock or speed up the UPS truck; I offer and claim no mastery or manipulation of the rules of time and space. But I do have some ideas on something that is almost as good. I can help you feel Christmas-y during this frenzied season.

Whether I am worried about money, worried about food, worried about gifts, worried about whatever, connecting myself to Christmas helps me manage the madness, and even enjoy ninety-hour work weeks (I’ve had ‘em). This helps me feel like I’m with the ones I love, even if they are at home while I work… or even if they are hundreds of miles away (many of them are).

Here are my surefire ways to get yourself more into the Christmas mood and thinking of others, thinking of giving, thinking of living and not just surviving. I guarantee at least one or two of these will work for you!

Without further adieu, here are my Christmas Spirit Inducing Secrets… Satisfaction guaranteed.

Watch the right Christmas show or movie. There is a long list of holiday classics that fit the bill here. Elf, the Rankin Bass stuff like Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, Charlie Brown, A Christmas Story, The Grinch, It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, etc. You have a favorite, you know it. Dust it off, pirate it, borrow it, do whatever you have to do to watch it now!

Everyone in my family loves some Christmas show that no one else gets. One kid loves Polar Express (ugh), another loves Arthur’s Perfect Christmas (better), and my wife loves Charlie and Lola (pretty good). And Spongebob and the Simpsons have a couple good ones too.  Guilty pleasure shows are the best—the ones that you have the most perfect link in the world to. The one that makes you think, “I am the only person on the planet watching this right now.” And it. Is. AWESOME.

My guilty pleasure is Mr. Krueger’s Christmas, a short film done in 1980 starring Jimmy Stewart (the holiday movie king) and produced by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Maybe it is because it just takes me back to my childhood, when my family hunched around a small black and white TV to watch Christmas specials. Maybe it’s because I love the message. Maybe I just love Jimmy Stewart’s enthusiastic portrayal of the title character in one of his last few starring roles… I just love it! My kids make fun of me, of it, of Jimmy, of the little girl, of Jimmy’s daydreaming, but I can barely get through it without tearing up as I remember, once again, the meaning of Christmas. Cheesy, dated, over the top, and absolutely priceless. Watch it until the end!

Watch your favorite un-Christmas movie. You know, a movie that has Christmas as the backdrop, but is not exactly about Christmas. But if you set the movie with, say Arbor Day as the setting, it wouldn’t be quite right. There’s a bunch: Gremlins, Better Off Dead, Batman Returns, Home Alone, some Harry Potter movies, and of course stuff like Die Hard. Note… these movies are not guaranteed to bring the Christmas spirit, but my favorites get me laughing every time. And when you are laughing, you’re probably not stressing.

Make your house smell good. Go to the grocery store and buy the two-dollar bag of pine cones that smell like Big Red chewing gum. It will give you a Christmas buzz every time you go in the same room as said bag of pine cones. I love me some Big Red scented pine cones.

Maybe that’s not your thing. Don’t fret, there are other things you can do to get your house smelling like Mrs. Claus’ kitchen. Go to Pinterest and find an elf’s recipe for homemade Christmas potpourri—just like grandma used to make. Or, be adventurous and start chucking nice smelling stuff into a pan of water and gently heat it til it smells like Christmas. Orange peels, cloves, cinnamon sticks, candy canes, whatever. I bet you can throw enough stuff in that pan to make your Christmas blues fly away on a Christmas-scented breeze.

If that’s not your bag either, get yourself a Christmas-y smelling candle. Come by my house, we have probably a dozen you can sample. Heck, you could probably steal one and we wouldn’t even notice. Nothing like stealing from Uncle Kevin to get you in the Christmas mood! But seriously, as much as I complain about my wife’s candle addiction, they do add an unmistakable difference to the house, especially at Christmastime.

Eat something. Better yet, make something, then eat it. Not just anything, preferably something nice and wintry. An easy favorite of mine is coconut candies with chocolate on top. They’re super easy to make, just a few ingredients (coconut, melted butter, sweetened condensed milk, powdered sugar, maybe a little vanilla) stirred up, then refrigerate and top with a blob of chocolate (melted chocolate chips for example). They only take a few minutes to make, and they are tasty… if you like coconut and chocolate and sugar. It’s one of my favorite things about Christmas—just like Mom taught me to make as a kid.

You’re thinking, right now, about something you like that is sure to put a smile on your face, and make your belly shake like a bowl full of jelly. Make it, or get someone else to make it for you, then devour it, preferably while watching Mr. Krueger’s Christmas in your Snuggie.

One more thing you can make and eat, that has the bonus of making your house smell good—bake some bread. Even if you don’t know how to do it, take a shot at it, and you’ll probably do just fine. And if you mess it up, your home is gonna smell awesome—bonus Christmas spirit. If you haven’t smelled that around your place for a while, you need to try it! My wife made bread this week and the house smelled amazing, and it just felt like Christmas.

If you are just completely pressed for time, and have no one up to the task of making you something tasty, you have my blessing to buy a store-bought treat. Might I suggest Trader Joe’s candy cane-flavored Jo-Jo’s (like Oreos with candy cane flavored crème filling), or pfeffernusse– German spice cookies. There is a 70% chance you will toss the pfeffernusse in the trash, and a 30% chance you will thank me forever if you’ve never had them before. If you like stuff like gingerbread and molasses and ginger snaps, you’ll love pfeffernusse.

So your house smells good and you’ve watched that show or two, and made and eaten plenty of Christmas-y treats, but are still feeling more like Scrooge or the Grinch than Cindy-Lou or Tiny Tim? My next suggestion will help.

Turn on the Christmas music. You probably have a list of favorite songs or albums to listen to this time of year. Here are some of my favorites, with a couple links. I bet there’s something here you’ve never listened to before, or at least not for way too long.

The classics: Elvis, Charlie Brown (by the amazing Vince Guaraldi), and my all-time favorite Christmas classic, the one Johnny Mathis did (called ‘Merry Christmas’). Johnny has a distinctive voice somewhere between Sinatra and Alvin and the Chipmunks, with amazing energy and passion poured into every song. It is perfect to sing along to. In fact, I’m singing along to it now, so forgive me for any typos.

Some fun family favorites: Barenaked Ladies, Cee-Lo, Michael Buble (yeah, I know), Band-Aid, the Carpenters (listen at your own risk), The Lower Lights, and some girl named Taylor Swift.

New age-y stuff: George Winston’s ‘December,’ Windham Hill’s ‘Winter Solstice’ series, Kurt Bestor’s ‘One Silent Night.’

Off the beaten path (and some of my favorites): Sufjan Stevens’ ‘Songs for Christmas’ (check the link above, just amazing, sprawling, by turns silly and beautiful), Patty Loveless’ ‘Blue Grass White Snow’ (awesome bluegrass-tinged, folky country Christmas songs), Brian Setzer Orchestra, Sarah McLachlan’s ‘Wintersong’ (check the link to her cover of the Gordon Lightfoot classic below), and anything by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir… just pick your favorite Christmas song and I guarantee they have sung it.

I like driving around at night with the family or a friend, listening to Christmas music and looking at the lights on all the houses we drive by. Sometimes we count how many houses have Christmas lights on our route. The other day I drove my kids to a function at the church, just a couple miles away, and we counted 39. It reminded me of doing the same thing with my family as a kid, driving home from Grandma’s on Christmas Eve, counting the lights, watching the sky for Santa and his reindeer.

If you’ve followed any of these suggestions, by now you are certainly feeling better about the holidays. I have a few more things that help me really make the most of Christmas. The next one is service.

Doing something for someone else helps us feel more like Jesus, and thus feel more in tune with why we celebrate Christmas. Even if it is simply tipping a waitress a bigger amount than she’s expecting, or giving a few dollars to a homeless man, those little acts of kindness go farther than we’ll ever know. If we can do something even bigger, we’ll feel even better.

I wrote last Christmas Eve about one of my favorite Christmases. The center of that memorable Christmas was my family taking time to do something special for some special people. That story is here if you’d like to read it: http://the-kla.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-best-christmas-ever.html

Speaking of Jesus, the final thought I have is this: read Luke Chapter Two. Even just the first half. It will only take you a couple minutes, but it is a beautiful account of the events surrounding Jesus’ birth. I can’t think of anything that better invites the spirit of Christmas than reading words written by and about Him and His prophets.

I love November and December! Though they are the two most draining, demanding, frustrating and stressful work months I have, they are also the most joy-filled months of the year, if I take a few little moments to remember all I’ve been blessed with, especially the gift of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and seriously, give me a call if you need some Christmas cheer.

Merry Christmas!

 

It's Contagious!

From a movie that was strongly recommended

A couple weeks ago, I was listening to a podcast while I mowed the lawn—hopefully for the last time this year. As an aside, I just hate yardwork. People who love yardwork? They call it gardening… I call it yardwork.

Anyway, I was listening to an author discussing life hacks, personal effectiveness, reading recommendations, and so on. The content of the podcast isn’t what I want to talk about today, however. What stood out is something he mentioned at the end of the 90-minute interview. He thanked his sponsor, Vimeo—one of many places online to watch videos, short films, feature films, independent content, etc. He then made a few recommendations on what to check out on the site.

Of the two or three projects he mentioned, his most glowing recommendation was for a short film, which I think was called ‘Tomorrowland’ (not to be confused with the big Disney movie of the same name).

He talked about this short film with excitement, saying we had to watch it. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen before, it had won prestigious festival awards, it was thought provoking. I have read some good books on his recommendation, I have used tips he has shared, and I read or listen to something by this guy every week. While I don’t agree with all of his content and suggestions, there is a lot I do like. Although he didn’t go into detail on the plot of this short film, his energy really got me excited about watching it!

It had lots of this kind of stuff

So a few days later, I went to Vimeo and found it, then put on my favorite earbuds and started watching it on my phone. There was a short opening sequence, and then a hypnotic beat as electronic dance music built, ultimately pounding a rhythm. You know the sound: UHH-ts, UHH-ts, UHH-ts, UHH ts. The camera panned over a huge outdoor music festival, with lots of pretty people in tank tops and aviator shades bouncing, jumping, writhing to the music.

Everyone was clearly happy and having a great time, and I would guess there were, maybe fifty thousand of them or more. As the minutes ticked by, the music continued, as did the ecstatic bouncing. I began to wonder what else was going to happen in this film, and when my mind would be blown. Was there going to be a message about enjoying life? Living in the moment? About the tribal nature of this community? About having the freedom—financial and otherwise—to travel and experience anything, anywhere?

Five minutes ticked by, then ten. There was the occasional cut to a DJ or fan praising this festival, but ultimately, this video comprised 13 minutes and forty-eight seconds of the same stuff—pretty young ravers, well, raving—over a pulsing, hypnotic beat. But you know what? I watched every second, waiting for something intriguing to happen. Not because I enjoyed watching 50,000 people dancing, and not because I enjoyed the music—I’m really not a fan of David Guetta and the like. So, why did I endure it?

I watched it because of the energy and excitement radiated by the recommender—he had given great suggestions before, he was excited about the film, and he got me excited about the film. Enthusiasm is contagious, isn't it?

And 13 minutes, 48 seconds of this

Incidentally, upon taking another listen to that podcast, I realized the film he recommended was actually titled “World of Tomorrow.” I was watching the WRONG SHOW. Maybe lawn trimmings and fertilizer got to my head—I clearly remembered that title wrong. I kept watching it, waiting with anticipation for the things to happen that I had gotten so excited about. Obviously, they never did.

The funny thing is, in spite of watching the wrong video, it actually did prove to be thought-provoking.

Think about it—we’re all in dozens of situations each day where we can (or even must) influence others. Our attitudes are contagious; they have a real, tangible effect on others, for better or for worse. This is not a new concept, but it was fun to be reminded of it in such a silly way. It is useful to ponder the importance of attitude.

Whether we are selling to, leading, or just working alongside someone, our energy largely determines our effectiveness—perhaps even more than our aptitude. We all have people we just love to be around, don’t we—who radiate enthusiasm, who have a kind word to say, who have fun no matter what the circumstance or task at hand?

I bet you also know those people who just suck the life out of you, too—they find something to complain about, no matter how good or bad the situations they’re in actually are. Watch out—this kind of emotion is equally contagious!

World of Tomorrow, what I should have watched

The same podcaster with whom we started this conversation talks about how we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. (He admits he is not the first to talk about this, but he goes back to the theme often). So the question of the day is—what kind of influencer are you? How do you impact the people around you? Does your attitude and energy make them better?

Am I raising the average of those people who spend time with me, by radiating enthusiasm and positivity, and assuming others have positive intent? I appreciate that 13 minutes and 48 seconds of techno beats—time seemingly wasted, it reminded me of the power of enthusiasm, and my own opportunities to improve.

I’d never have guessed what I could learn from 50,000 ravers.